Thoughts

Things are getting steadily easier. The ache in my heart is now a dull throb instead of a sharp pain. I am adjusting to once more being a part of my family and American culture. I am enjoying hanging out with my brothers and sister’s friends and seeing how they have changed as well. Many of them I have known since they were little kids, and some I used to baby-sit (you know who you are!!!!).

I wanted to write down my recollections of my last night at the Ranch. It was a night of sadness, but also of joy and reconciliation. It was held in our big library/church. I really didn’t know what to expect. As the older girls filed to the front and lined themselves up, I wasn’t sure what they had planned. They begin to sing, and in English! They sang the song "Thank you for giving to the Lord" with hand motions. Needless to say, I cried and cried. Then they sang a song called "Siempre Seremos Amigos (We’ll Always Be Friends). It was a very special time. When it was testimony time, and Dean called for anyone who wanted to say something about me to come to the front, I squirmed in my seat. I was sure all my troublemakers were going to come to the front and tell about all the times that I had disciplined them. As I watched my two girl troublemakers (who are 16 and 15) walk to the front, I wanted to run out the door. They are the two girls who over two and a half years have tried my patience so many times and even at times made me cry. But what they had to say was a surprise. They both asked my forgiveness for all the times that they had said, "I hate you" and for all the times that they had been disobedient. It brought a real healing and reconciliation between us. Many of "my kids" went to the front and said things about me that I hadn’t even known they had noticed. All I can say is that I will never forget their words. Even Hermano Erick went to the front and commented on how he is always late to sign his checks, and how I always signed them for him. He turned to me and said, "Who will sign my checks?" That got a big laugh! Dean presented me with an 11 x 14 matted photo of all the kids and leaders at the Ranch and everyone had signed it with little messages!

Here are the moments that broke my heart: Jonathan (a little boy who I had always called "my son") sobbing as I held him, Sonia Edith (one of my good friends among the girls) crying as she spoke about our friendship, saying goodbye to my best friend Leydi and seeing her cry, and knowing that unless God intervenes I might not ever see some of "my girls" again if they leave the Ranch. It is getting better like I said, but you don’t get over something like that overnight or even after 2 weeks. It is a slow process, and I know that I will never forget them. They will always be in my heart.

Anyway I am blogging again one little post a time.

La Gringa Loca